Asperger's

29th April 2013

On my post on the 27th of April, I briefly mentioned on how I was doubted by the likes of teachers due to how I found extreme difficulty in practical tasks such as paper cutting. Today, I shall focus a little more on this topic as I felt I didn't talk about it much last time.

In Primary school times, as mentioned before many a time, my main problem a school was tasks that included hand eye co-ordination, so cutting a piece of paper in a straight line was something that I deemed "very difficult". The most painful emotionally,for me,had to  be the fact that I couldn't play football, which to most young boys, is one of the most important social and physical skills that a boy needs to have. Whilst I know that I was already different, it still hurt me a little that I couldn't play with the "cool" kids.  Handwriting exercises were also very hard for me, in fact, the furthest my skill ever got was joining the letters together,which at best looked like a doctor's signature. And yet the physical form that my (very)  short stories took didn't stop teachers from being impressed by the actual content of the story. Yeah true, my grasp of grammar wasn't exactly the best at primary school(I used to write  23 sentence long paragraphs with no break up of pace) but it was still extra ordinary for a child of a young age of 8. I suppose these were the first blooms of defiance that I(at the time) didn't know I had in me.

Although I couldn't use this idea of defiance to cause the tides to change, I did feel more confident in my abilities to read and write as I grew older. In my last year of primary school, two teachers from the high school would come to my class and asked the top Reading and Writing group to do a sort of workshop in which we were tested with much simplified materials from the high school. I'll be honest, I wasn't the quickest  or the best out of this group, in fact, there was nothing ordinary about my performance in this workshop.

When I eventually reached high school, and started to have what the English course would entail for the next two years, I was terrified, thinking I wouldn't be able to keep up with the class. One lunchtime, when I was having my lunch at the Support for Learning base(The staff room for the Support for Learning base where you could sit if you were allowed), I stared at the whiteboard in the room, picked up a highlighter, and wrote a short poem about the Glenrothes G8 Summit that was happening in the news at the time. The staff alerted my English teacher who was visibly impressed. If I could remember for the life of me what it was, I would share it with you.

Anyway, back to the story, as the years progressed, so did the levels of English(Standard Grade:Credit, Intermediate 2, Higher; check this link for more information if you are unfamiliar: SQA Level diagram) and my laziness. It looked like I didn't care about English anymore; For my Higher English, I barely turned up for class as well as hardly asked for help from the teacher. The saying "Never judge a book by its cover" is a good one to use here: In reality, I had trouble sleeping that year and would often miss school due to my inability to sleep. I also hardly ever asked for help as I knew what he was saying, but I suppose  that I made it look like I was just wasting his time, it's easy to understand now,in hindsight, why he thought this. Anyway, I proved him wrong, and whilst I didn't do it in a smug way, I visited him as soon as I got my results back and said that I was sorry for hardly showing up to class, but at the end of the day, I proved him wrong. He asked me  how I managed to get a decent grade in Higher English and in a bizarre way, I thought he knew what answer I would give, as a faint smile(hidden by his glorious moustache) appeared as I answered him:

"I just like to prove people wrong."

27th April 2013

Kieran's Education
As it is the time for exams for most school kids,, I would like to share to you about the time when I was at primary and secondary education.

During my primary school (Beancross Primary School), all report cards or headmaster comments were along the lines of: "Kieran is a well mannered,polite boy.However, he has poor handwriting, a lack of communication skills with his peers and difficulty with tasks that rely on hand eye co-ordination such as paper cutting". This then started suspicions with my parents that there was something about me that was different to other children. Although I am the only boy out of our little family, the majority of my dad's side of the family have been males, so he had a pretty good idea that his own son may be a little different.

I guess you could say that many a people, mostly teachers, have doubted about whether I would be "successful" in life, as I was believed to not be able to cope with future children and was frequently recommended to be placed into a "special" school for people with learning difficulties. My mother however, wasn't going to sit down and let these people stop her "little boy" from achieving via mainstream schools. I was then allowed to attend primary school, where I really stood out from other kids; reading the non fiction books in the library; preferring to watch a game of "tig"(a game of tag) rather than participate. as the first seven years of my education passed, I gradually became known as an "outsider". I wasn't really bullied for not being able to look in the eye of the person I would rarely talk to. My guess was that people didn't really notice me that well. Even in class time, where I was in the top group for the likes of Reading, Maths, Writing(The amount of creativity I had as a child got me into the top group,even though the teacher could hardly read my writing half the time), where the word "geeks" was regularly used to describe the people in the group, people never seemed to focus their insults on me. In a way, I'm glad that I was lucky to not be picked on, as it meant that I could focus on my own problems without another layer of pain to worry about. On the other hand, looking back, I wish I had first hand knowledge on how it felt to be picked on simply for being "different" from other kids. Bullying should happen to no-one of course, but this isn't a pain free world, and in the innocence of their childhood, people don't realise that their comments or actions can harm people years after the incident.

So after the seven years of primary school, I moved up to "big boy" school: Grangemouth High School. This was a new era for me.

When I started Grangemouth High School in August 2006, I had just got my diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, which meant that I was now eligible to get help if I needed to. To my mum,and I guess me to an extent, we were overwhelmed by the amount of support that the school gave to me. Being from a school that painted a figurative "negative picture" of my future, this was a whole new experience for me. Sadly, however,old habits got in the way.

One of the reasons I guess I am very proud of my mum is the fact that she doesn't give in, and was that determined to have her only boy placed into a mainstream school for reasons that I can't explain; whether it was that she had complete faith in my ability or if it was to show me the early way that in life, I would have to work that bit harder, I don't know, and will probably never ask, as I feel it is something that should be left alone for its own benefit. All I know is that, I inherited this stubbornness to not just stand there and be told what to do because I had a mental condition. In the later years of high school,when it was time for my own exams, I decided that, although it was great for me to finally get this sort of help, it was time for me to stand back up on my own two feet, as the steps to facing the "big bad world" were fast approaching. This didn't meet the reaction I was hoping for with the Senior staff of the Support for Learning department. Although it was never mentioned in the various meetings I had, I did get the impression of "You have Asperger's Syndrome, you won't be able to do your exams without any support". This caused the staff and I to figuratively butt heads with each other, we decided that in the first of the three years for my exams, I would get the full amount of support for learning, with the second year being all by myself. Naturally,with my luck, both years caused a stalemate, with mixed results showing that there was no evidence that I could do the exams myself, or with the package of support material. In my final year of exams, with the important Higher English exam coming up, the gem that I wanted in my crown, the learning support senior staff and I managed to make an agreement of that I would get the bare minimum(sitting my exam in another room,not the main exam hall) and that would be it. Unsurprisingly  I felt the most comfortable in this environment,  as I still had control over what I could write without getting stressed about the sounds of a keyboard or having to speak what I was thinking. I got a B for my Higher English, which I was most grateful for. It taught me a lesson( a cliché, but still a lesson nonetheless): There are times in life where, even the most determined person needs a little support,whether it be from friends, family, companies,or even a stranger. However, to me, it is also important to not allow your diagnosis of autism or any mental condition/learning difficulty get in the way of your life too much: if you fully believe in your abilities,whether it be problem solving, or writing short stories, then take the figurative reigns into your own hands and show them you're just as capable as anyone to complete tasks. Have a think about it: Is it better to take the risk and show your peers,and yourself, what you're fully capable of, or to think about it,but let other decisions get in the way of yours? If you have a similar story to mine, I would love to hear it!





20th April 2013
Okay so, for all those who might be questioning as to why I have a page named "Asperger's", the reason is: when I was 12, I finally got my diagnosis of this form of autism. Naturally, my family were shocked, as even they suspected it from the start, I suppose it must have been quite a blow to hear. Of course, seeing my mother cry when she heard the news made me think,innocently, that i had done something wrong. But now that I had my diagnosis, this would be it. I would finally be able to get the help at my high school now that I "officially" had my disability, and now that I have finished the years at school, I feel comfortable enough to help those who also have Asperger's Syndrome or autism. For years, after being to all the meetings and talks about Asperger's Syndrome,, and not agreeing with the amount of pessimism that I felt was there("You're not like other children;You can't do this/that". Sound familiar at all) I do, understand that every single person,diagnosis or not, has strengths and weaknesses, and I understand that there are kids that "have it worse" than me, but what I am aiming to do with this is: to help anyone who has a diagnosis, or knows someone with a diagnosis, of Asperger's Syndrome, to see if I can offer any advice on how to stay positive for the likes of exams, real life situations. I'll try not to write these ideas in the format of the many books of Asperger's Syndrome there is out there.

If there any issues that you want me to discuss, please contact me via the link on the "contact" page.

Many Thanks,
Kieran